Untitled - 5/9/10

When is a house not a home?
When will your archive be complete?
Is this a snapshot
or a memoir...
How do you know
you're not obsolete?

have you been here
gripping your bowels
gritting your teeth
all you need to do is
stop

let gravity do
what you've been trying to defy
the fear the grips
and clenches you
does nothing to help you survive

it's easy to pretend
that it was watching over you
it felt like a close friend -
one it's time that you outgrew

nobody has the right
to dominate you
ignore your best intentions
tell you what to do

it's time to say goodbye
even close friends move away
or sometimes just move on
when there's no need to stay

Untitled 5/9/10

It's the month of May again
but I'm chilled to the bone
the wind is making a scene outside
and I'm watching from in here alone

I could have left the house today
but I chose to let my body rest
my mind's been running marathons
my heart's been pounding in my chest

i had to slow the whole thing down
and focus on what I know
I'm alive and sane
enough food in the fridge to last
until summer
and I'm finding my way

I'm fortunate
I'm blessed
with the lot in life I have
and sometimes it takes time
to regroup and attack

Untitled - 5/18/10

I got wrapped up
in another insanity
another man's plan
but once again,
I found me

I am mine
and mine alone
not a child
or a waitress
or a shiny toy you own

I have organs,
tissues
and bones
I come from the water
and I never walk alone

I'm a heat
from my belly
I won't be overthrown
You've been trying
to tempt me
I'm not your dog
or a bone

I'm a daughter
and a sister
with a purpose
and a place
My ancestors were Vikings
see the scars on my face?

I've had visions of my Future
and it sparkles like the sun
you're a mere mortal
and my journey's just begun

I'm the mother of a world
you won't even see in dreams
I'm pregnant with a fate
that's hard to be believed

and you are just one step
on my path from here to there
so don't forget your role
and I won't forget to share

Untitled - 5/22/10 and 5/23/10

Today's your birthday
I used to think
you were born
to protect me
you made me
a canopy bed
of blue and white checkers
and I remember what you said
that the sheet that hung
from up above me
was there to protect me
from all the bad things outside
getting in
and i believed
truly believed

never felt so deceived
so utterly lied to
like the strength of one man
was enough to rely on
I lay there in awe
as one by one
my demons surrounded me
held me down
and raped me
in the very same bed
built for safekeeping
slipped through the checkered net
leaving blue bruises on my neck
it was easy to blame you
for the mess

Finally, I took it down
declared myself
a big girl now
If there are any demons out to get me
then I want to see
them coming.

It's the day
after your birthday
and this time I remembered
I've been your daughter
your mother
your wife
you needed so much help
and yet it didn't help at all,
did it?

Some things are just too painful
to face
it hurt so much
for so long
i didn't even notice anymore
going through life
an open sore
i've had you and lost you
you've loved me,
then stopped
you protected me
until I got hurt
and then gave me the blame
turning on me
you changed the game
became
someone else
and now look at me-
i need your help

we're on this planet
at the very same time
and after all of our near misses
here we are - still alive
so there's a reason you're here
and i am too
instead of you protecting me
maybe it's meant to be
me protecting you