Untitled 11/6/09

Someone broke the door down
and then something rolled in
a ball
or a bomb
a balloon
they'll all pop one day

i'm taking off the layer of clothes
i used to wear for you
undoing the knots and bows
that used to so please you

and the flush on my face
has faded to white
i'm sure you wouldn't know
that my sparkling eyes
have turned quite flat
as has my unearthly glow

i'm a mere shadow of
the woman i was
shivering in the cold
my body is boney
my throat is sore
and let's face it - i'm getting old

i see pain wherever i go
like some some sort of heat censored light
people disagree
when i say what i've seen
but deep down i know that i'm right

it's not the same world
i saw with you
the one i see clearly now
it's dark and broken
with dreams all askew
and bitterly run to the ground

the dust of the hope
i once had for you
settles now on the shelf
and a damp musty scent
of cigarettes and booze
from the days when you haunted
yourself

no it's not the same world
i woke up in
that night when i slept in my bed
and you slept across town
in yours
wondering what it was you had said

Cold Out 10/26/09

This must be a second coming
you must be the one
won't you take my number?
i'll sing you a song
we can go on our way

i've been braiding a
crown of thorns
just waiting for someone like you
now it's time you tried on
the apparel i've constructed you

i can't even keep up
with the things that need
to be done in a day
i'm afraid i'm exhausted
by just waking up
nevermind
finding
a role to play

i'm sure there's a way
i don't have the will
to try to find something real
if it wasn't so cold out
maybe i'd join you
and maybe you'd see how i feel

Nothingness - written 3/25/99 (at 16)

There is
nothing really i should say
I've never felt so ordinary
in such a lifeless way.

It's not just the way
I've looked or dressed
but the way I feel:
plain, thoughtless, depressed

i'd love to talk
of my nothingness
and write it down for all to see
except I'm ashamed of who I am,

and who I'll never be