Love again

I see the way you men
look at me
and I get it
You all wanna fuck me
but I just don't have the energy
to keep up with the demands
you make of me
my self worth is
the one thing
you won't take from me

i've been living my life
based on the principle
of scarcity
like conservation
and consumption
are parts of a process
that apply to everything
and that belief blinded the reality
the abundance that abound
and resounds inside me

love is a battlefield
love is a four letter word
love is the saddest story
i ever heard
love is a desert
but also a lake
love is a casting call
for a role you may not want to take

but really, let's be real
since the alternative is to be fake
isn't it possible for your greatest accomplishment
to also be
your greatest mistake?
i tried to keep it inside of me
tied it up so it couldn't leave
and i curled myself up in a ball
afraid that life without love
wouldn't be worth living at all

but... if you love something,
let it go
if you love someone,
fucking let them know
because fuck money
fuck politics
fuck war
love is the only thing
worth loving for

i mean we were spirits
before we had bodies
and we were happy as babies
before we owned anything
and then we learned so many words
we confused how we were meant to feel
so lets just stop to clarify
the sensations that are real

there's hungry
and tired
there's sick
and then love
we're just babies that got bigger
and learned words
we couldn't make sense of

so come,
sit down next to me
rest with me
and then let's make a meal
because love is the only thing
within our power to feel

6/6/10

Today's your birthday
and I wonder if
you felt like me
you used to say
you were born on Doom's Day
did you always feel a little incomplete?

did you feel like you shouldn't have
been born at all?

like no matter what you did
would never be enough
to make you belong?

you were the only one
i thought could possibly understand how I felt
and then I stood
alone and scared
as I watched you
retreat
withdraw
surrender

no explanation would ever
be good enough
for me to understand

because I loved and admired you
big brother

and then you tripped
slipped
off a slippery cliff
I stood shocked -
staring from the precipice
my footing wobbled
I gasped for air
not a clue
what i could possibly do
for me
or
for you

but somehow you survived the crash
all limbs intact
it's been a long, steep climb
from up a deep ravine
it hurt to watch you struggle
I almost wished it could be me

you fought your way
back up to the top
and here you stand
on firm ground
your chest out proud

you are a rare man
who knows the darkness beneath your soul
and how to find your way back

all this time
i spent
racking my brain
dreaming up ways
to help you with your climb

and the thing i never realized
you needed me
just to be
standing, holding your place
so you could see me
and find your way
back to your family

Electricity

My clarity's the only thing
that's not clear
My reality's been getting
a little too real
So stop talking
This isn't a business deal
I don't have to negotiate with you
For the right to how I feel
I said sit down
and shut the fuck up
I'm the one giving orders today
While you drive me around
in my pink garbage truck
picking up pieces
of what I'm about to say

You're a man
I'm an army
So please just get out of my way
If you thought you could destroy me
employ me to stay
You saw me walking on a tightrope
and thought that was my big plan
a thin string to stand on
what you failed to see
was the intricate web that hung below me
you see
I can't fail
or fall through
or ever go hungry
because of the love that I've found
is all around me
surrounds me with its
sparkling intensity
a force field of strength
fortifying me

And the real reason
you failed to see
this massive power grid plugging into me
sadly
is because you cannot feel
love's
subtle
divine
electricity

5/24/10

It's just me again
finding my way
in my own body
I thought it was a desert
and I was dying
of thirst
but now i know
it's the Caribbean Sea
that's inside of me

pure blue water flows through my veins
my bones are fine white sand
My heart used to be
my own worst enemy
a sea anemone
and I had claws for hands

but now my heart's a starfish
sunbathing on a rock
and what used to be my clenched fist
is opening to God

maybe i believed
the tale that i had spun
a fish out of water
frying in the sun
doomed to an eternity
of gasping "marco"
to no reply
yanked from one world
to another
just to die

but then there was a river
and then it was a lake
and then it flooded over
and i realized my mistake

i've been floating in the waters
of my very own sea
coarsing through my veins
the true version of me

Untitled - 5/9/10

When is a house not a home?
When will your archive be complete?
Is this a snapshot
or a memoir...
How do you know
you're not obsolete?

have you been here
gripping your bowels
gritting your teeth
all you need to do is
stop

let gravity do
what you've been trying to defy
the fear the grips
and clenches you
does nothing to help you survive

it's easy to pretend
that it was watching over you
it felt like a close friend -
one it's time that you outgrew

nobody has the right
to dominate you
ignore your best intentions
tell you what to do

it's time to say goodbye
even close friends move away
or sometimes just move on
when there's no need to stay

Untitled 5/9/10

It's the month of May again
but I'm chilled to the bone
the wind is making a scene outside
and I'm watching from in here alone

I could have left the house today
but I chose to let my body rest
my mind's been running marathons
my heart's been pounding in my chest

i had to slow the whole thing down
and focus on what I know
I'm alive and sane
enough food in the fridge to last
until summer
and I'm finding my way

I'm fortunate
I'm blessed
with the lot in life I have
and sometimes it takes time
to regroup and attack

Untitled - 5/18/10

I got wrapped up
in another insanity
another man's plan
but once again,
I found me

I am mine
and mine alone
not a child
or a waitress
or a shiny toy you own

I have organs,
tissues
and bones
I come from the water
and I never walk alone

I'm a heat
from my belly
I won't be overthrown
You've been trying
to tempt me
I'm not your dog
or a bone

I'm a daughter
and a sister
with a purpose
and a place
My ancestors were Vikings
see the scars on my face?

I've had visions of my Future
and it sparkles like the sun
you're a mere mortal
and my journey's just begun

I'm the mother of a world
you won't even see in dreams
I'm pregnant with a fate
that's hard to be believed

and you are just one step
on my path from here to there
so don't forget your role
and I won't forget to share