Electricity

My clarity's the only thing
that's not clear
My reality's been getting
a little too real
So stop talking
This isn't a business deal
I don't have to negotiate with you
For the right to how I feel
I said sit down
and shut the fuck up
I'm the one giving orders today
While you drive me around
in my pink garbage truck
picking up pieces
of what I'm about to say

You're a man
I'm an army
So please just get out of my way
If you thought you could destroy me
employ me to stay
You saw me walking on a tightrope
and thought that was my big plan
a thin string to stand on
what you failed to see
was the intricate web that hung below me
you see
I can't fail
or fall through
or ever go hungry
because of the love that I've found
is all around me
surrounds me with its
sparkling intensity
a force field of strength
fortifying me

And the real reason
you failed to see
this massive power grid plugging into me
sadly
is because you cannot feel
love's
subtle
divine
electricity

Needs

Great post from yesterday on the I'm Just F.I.N.E. blog about needs and how as children of alcoholics, we didn't get what we needed on some level. Whether or not we were physically or sexually abused, or neglected, our emotional needs were not met. It's not possible for an addict to meet the emotional needs of his or her children.

What was confusing to me about my family was that until high school, my parents were married and my dad was a successful officer in the Air Force. He was around - we had a big house with a pool and everything seemed so picture perfect. But he was not present. He was there, but not present. He always found odd jobs to do around the house and in the yard so that when he was home, he was always "busy." Either that or he was "relaxing" on the couch drinking and we weren't to bother him either way.

So, we learn to be comfortable not getting our needs met. Not that it's ever really comfortable, but we learn to deal with it in some way. And not getting your needs met isn't healthy, so how can dealing with it be?

Asking for What I Need
from I'm Just F.I.N.E.