Do you ever feel
like you must just not belong
like the day that you were born
was a moment that went wrong?
Like every step you take
isn't yours to claim
like any move you make
could never justify your name?
The people who surround you
somehow earned this time and place
but you float up above them
consuming air
and wasting space
I've been thinking about this "terminal uniqueness" that we discussed in an Al-Anon meeting a few months ago. All of us felt that we were unique, isolated, different from everyone else. And sometimes from that perspective, it seems like everyone else is different because they are happy or lucky.
I'm trying to break out of that mold of thinking and come to understand that others have their problems too, and that when I feel different, I isolate myself from others and it becomes a self-perpetuating state. Others may think that I'm snobby or too good for them because I keep people away sometimes, but the reality is that I don't think I'm good enough in some way and that's why I do it. I've been better at reaching out to friends and saying yes to them since starting recovery. Last night I even said yes to someone who invited me to do a solo dance in the middle of a circle in African Dance class! When you say yes to people who have invited you into something, you build connections, trust, and break out of isolation.
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Just checking in
4 years ago
Terminal uniqueness--I once heard Clancy at an AA talk say that thinking we are different is another way of isolating and maintaining a victim role. I think you've echoed the same thing here. Great post.
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting that feeling different leads to isolation, which leads to victimhood. It's such a cycle... Thanks for stopping by and for your comments!
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